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DESIGN ABOMINATIONS

15 Mind-Numbing Things to Avoid on Your FP Site  

They exist.  You have seen them and so have I.  Those who create them do not acknowledge their existence, like some sort of wicked step-father or -mother.  They huddle in the corners of cyberspace, waiting for unsuspecting browsers to seek their audience...and then...WHAM!...  

"ThE AbOMiNAbLE WeBSItE"  

An Abomination can be defined as "That which is abominable; anything hateful, wicked, or shamefully vile; an object or state that excites disgust and hatred; a hateful or shameful vice; pollution."  

Abominable Websites come in all shapes and colors.  They can be personal sites set up to deseminate information to family members.  It can be gaming sites, general interest sites or business sites.  For every purpose to design a website, there is at least one person who has created an abominable website for that purpose.  

Let me open by saying that I am in no way perfect.  No web developer is.  All we can do is do our best, share what we know, and hope that we improve as we get on in our years.  

So in this article, I want to discuss 15 things that can contribute to the abomination of a website.  I hope that this list will give you ideas or hints that will help you.  If not, then I give you personal permission to call my mother and complain about me.  [It's all her fault anyways]  

So without further adieu, I present to you

...THE LIST... 

1.  TOO MANY Animated GIFs

Animated GIFs are cool.  I am in no way saying that you should not have them.  Having excessive animated gifs on a webpage, however, is distracting and has been known to cause cerebral hemorrhages in laboratory rats.  Please use discretion with this tool.  

2.  COBWEBS in your HTML

Like an old attic, some websites look the same today as they did in 1995 when Al Gore invented the Internet.  It is important to keep your website fresh and updated.  There are several non-labor-intensive ways to do this, including javascript 'Quotes of the Day', time-dependent greetings and other enhancements.  

3.  ADS 'R' US

Advertisements are a necessary part of most websites.  There is nothing wrong with them when used with discernment.  These are the areas where people usually 'abominate' their website.

- Too many ads on a single page ("It should not look like the yellow pages")

- Non-targeted, non-related ads on a page that is geared toward a specific topic. ("Why have dog food ads on a cat page?")

- Ad cloning ("Like I am going to click on that ad just because it is on the page three times in a row?")

So advertise...but advertise responsibly.  

4.  Puke in D Minor

With the advent of the sound card, the world of computing has forever changed.  Backgrounding your website with annoying midi files, though, is not one of the 'good' changes from this renaissance.  Music is cool on a website, when it is relevant ("Scary Music on a Halloween site to add to the mood, for example") but adding music just for kicks is somewhat annoying, especially to those trying to listen to their CDs while browsing.  If you do use background music, please have the courtesy to have a TURN OFF THE MUSIC button for those not amused by your downloads. 

5.  "Houston, we have a problem!"

There are a million different reasons for a website to 'blow up'.  You can get programming errors [Bad ASP or JAVASCRIPT], ISP Errors [Server Crashes] or many other sources.  The indisputable fact, though, is that if your site is down, you need to know that it is down so that you can either (a) fix the problem or (b) beat the crap out of someone else to fix the problem.  The best way to keep tabs on your site is to 'hang out' there regularly, putting it as your START PAGE on your browser of choice.  The sooner you know that there is a problem, the sooner your visitors can be back on your site.  

6.  Thingz to avoyd

Nothing detracts from the professional website like a poor command of the English language.  Generally speaking, unless your site is geared towards a crowd that used poor grammar and speech-skills, you need to make sure that your words are polished.  Run things past a few people who you feel are educated [Start with those who use utensils when they eat and go from there] before you post it on the net.  I have seen several discussion threads which do nothing but make fun of a particular sites poor grasp of the English language.  Could your site handle that kind of publicity?  

7.  One of the worst gifts from Microsoft

Microsoft does many good things in bringing their products to market.    FrontPage is a good product.  Unfortunately, every rose has its thorn.  With FP, one of the thorns is the incorporation of Web Templates.  Although I advocate templates for the most part, several of the FP templates are not only UGLY but they are also UGLY.  [Did I mention that they are ugly?]  So, as a general rule, only use ugly FP templates when absolutely necessary.  

8.  The Bulldog-Chihuahua Syndrome

Although marketing is part of modern business and 'spin-doctoring' is part of marketing, there is a certain point where the BS-ometer comes into effect.  When a small, one-person office with two poorly developed websites making up its portfolio claims to be a 'leader in the design industry', the BS-ometer goes 'BUZZ!'.  Any time that a webmaster toots his horn to the extreme, it is generally BUZZed as well.  What harm comes from BUZZing?  Mainly, it is a case of credibility and professionalism.  Microsoft or AT&T don't make boisterous claims about how cool and tough they are.  They let the quality of their work speak for them.  Your site and your portfolio should do the same thing.

[By the way, the title comes from the phrase, 'Your BULLDOG mouth is going to get your CHIHAUHUA [expletive deleted] in trouble'.)  

9.  I think Lon Chaney did this on his website...

I don't see this online as much as I used to.  Some people are still not comfortable with META TAGS on a webpage and the correct methodology behind optimizing for search engines.  Instead, they decide to hide their keywords in white letters on white backgrounds, in hopes to 'fool' the search engines into thinking those words are on the page.  I saw one site (for pets) that actually had 'Pamela Anderson Lee' hidden at the bottom of the page.  Try to come up into the 90s folks! (Yes, I know it is 2001, but they need to take baby steps)  :)  

10. "The page that never ends" [Part I]

One of the things that has always confused me is the page that seems to scroll on forever with WHITE SPACE at the bottom.  For no reason known to modern man, these pages have a distinctive end and then a good 12 to 13 inches of white GOO at the bottom.  There is no scientific explanation for this phenomenon and I pray that it does not infect your website.  

11. The Four-Dimensional Website

Have you ever pulled up a page and sat back in your chair to read it, only to find that the page was four-dimensional?  What that means is that there is no horizontal or vertical absolute.  There are FOUR arrow buttons for the page because the designer did not size the page according to standard specifications.  There are differences of opinions as for what resolution you should design your web pages.  No matter whose advice you decide to take, the important thing to remember is to keep resolutions in mind when you layout your page and then test it on the different resolutions to see how the majority of viewers will see your page.  

12. Netscrap vs Internet Exploder

You may have your favorite browser but it is important to know that everyone in the world does not agree with you.  You can develop your site so that it is kickin' on Internet Explorer and just when you think you are done, you pull it up in Netscape.  In some cases, the differences may be minimal.  In other cases, you may try to press charges against terrorists for hacking into your webpage and reprogramming it.  To solve this problem, you may want to use IE and Netscape regularly DURING your development process so that you pick up problems early.  Remember that some javascript elements only work in one or the other browser as well.  

13. "The Page that Never Ends" [Part II]

Earlier, we discussed the pages that have excessive 'white space' at the bottom.  We also need to include those pages that have so much text, graphics and other fodder that it scrolls down forever.  This is a bad practice for several reasons:

- Long Download Times

- PRINT PAGE is 47-pages long

- Too much information for a person to grasp at one time

Please, keep your page length within reason.  

14. All Bark & No Bite

One of the challenges that a lot of sites have is that they have no real content to offer their visitors.  The way to get people to return time and time again is to provide them with valuable information.  Links and graphics have their place in web design, but valuable content is by far one of the most critical elements of a web page.  Even if the content is 'borrowed' from another site through live-feeds or the old 'cut and paste', it is going to provide more value than a site only consisting of links to other sites.  

15. FINALLY, the last abomination is...

when a webmaster does not regularly test for outdated or disconnected links.  Nothing is more aggravating them finding a gaggle of web links that all send you to a beautiful 'HTTP 404 NOT FOUND' error message.  To maintain your credibility and to continue to service your visitors, please check links at least once a week.   

I am, by no means, an absolute authority on this subject but I hope that this list has been of some use to you.  Every site usually has at least one of these attributes and, in reality, that doesn’t make the site an abomination.  Most of these things are acceptable when used with discretion.  Anything in excess is unfavorable, whether you are talking about chocolate fudge or web design.  

Until next time, keep it real.  
David

David Coons is a freelance writer and web designer from the suburbs of Atlanta, Georgia.  When not spending time with his wife and three daughters, he maintains several websites, including his current missions-related shopping site, MyFutureMall.com.