The Internet Connection
by David Coons

Start Your SPOAX Training Today...

Last month in "Parker's Mailbox", we learned about viruses and virus hoaxes. This month, in the Internet Connection, I wanted to delve a little more into the psychosis that is behind the phenomenon that is...E-mail Hoaxes of the non-viral kind. 

It never fails to amaze me how often e-mails come into my inbox offering something for nothing. In all honesty, over 90% of all such emails are indeed hoaxes. Personally, I despise these little facets of our existence, which is why I have decided to write about them this month. I hope that, after reading this article, you are able to join the resistance movement against SPOAX (That is short for for SPAM-HOAX). 

FORWARD THIS TO TEN PEOPLE 

The easiest one, by far, are the 'Forward this and you will get a big surprise' messages. If you are on the net, you have probably received at least one of these in your lifetime. The most common are the EMAIL TRACKING messages. The concept is simple: a major corporation [or two] have decided to give valuable prizes to everyone who forwards a special message to their friends. The email, then, is being tracked to see how many people to whom it will be forwarded. One of the first and most recurring iterations of this hoax involves Microsoft, Disney and BETA (The Beta Email Tracking Application). "

"Forward the email...and when it goes to X number of people everyone will receive a trip to Disney World and a free copy of Windows 98." 

The thing that I find most humorous about this is that Bill Gates denounced this hoax in his book, The Road Ahead. 

Even after this official announcement as a hoax, the email continues to be sent along by people who refuse to take the time to check on its validity.

Another version of this abomination says that after your forward the message to 10 people, a coupon or a surprise or something will appear on your screen. Apparently, the application is so tied in to your computer system and your email application that it will magically know when you have forwarded the email to exactly 10 people. 

Now, I don't want you to confuse these 'forwarding' SPAM HOAXES with the less devious sentimental emails that people ask you to forward. Generally, they will go something like this: --- "A friend is a friend indeed, more important than all of the marbles in the world combined. You are a special friend." Now, forward this to 10 people or you will single-handedly be responsible for the disturbance of peace in this world. --- Although sometimes annoying, these emails are not meant to deceive, but rather to encourage. 

CHAINS AND SPOAX 

A not-so-distant cousin of the above hoaxes are the chain letters. These chain letters can have any content imaginable, from poetry to simple well-wishes. Generally, the 'authentic' chain letters will supply a list of the poor souls who broke the chain. Generally, they will read something like this: 

Thomas McElravy, from Spokane, Washington, broke the chain back in 1999 and was immediately captured by aliens and given an intensive, painful anal probe for three days. In addition, his library card became invalid. 

I hope that I don't even need to comment on the validity, stupidity and other goofy nature of these kinds of emails. 

BREAKING NEWS STORIES 

Another example of how people have two much time on their hands are the breaking news stories that generally make you cringe. If you are active on the net, then you have probably heard one or more of the following stories: 

• Rattlesnakes in the playballs at McDonalds 

• AIDs infected needles in the coin returns on payphones 

• Someone waking up in a tub of ice and their liver surgically removed 

• "Welcome to the wordful world of AIDS" written on the hotel mirror 

• The problem of rat poop on softdrink cans 

• Flashing your car lights and getting shot as part of a gang-thing 

• The <cringe> toothbrushes in hotel rooms story 

• The Modem Tax being passed by congress 

...and the list goes on. 

Three Different Types....The Same Ignorance 

These are probably the three easiest and most prevalent classes of SPOAX on the web (behind the virus warnings of course). There is an easy way to not get caught up in the web, however. Simply, ask yourself three basic questions: 

1. Is this something that realistically would be announced in email? The truth is usually NO. If there is a fatalistic computer virus or rattlesnakes in the playballs at McDonalds, there would generally be news coverage or some other way for people to alert the American public through forwarded emails. The odds of any drastically serious announcements being brought to the world over the Internet via forwarded emails is practically nil. 

2. Would an intelligent person blindly pass this email on? Ha Ha Ha. I joke in a way, but in a way I am speaking truthfully. Some of these emails are so silly that I find it incredibly hard to believe that people fall for them. "Forward this email and we will send you $1000" usually doesn't pass the test when you consider that it is $10,000 for each 10 people to which the email is forwarded. Who would be stupid enough to pay that kind of money? Simply try to talk things through with yourself.

3. Is there a way for me to quickly check this out? The answer is almost always YES. 99% of email hoaxes have been discussed and berated on the Internet. Simply log into GOOGLE or YAHOO and type the general subject of the email and then type hoax. 

Examples: 

• microsoft disney beta hoax 

• snow white virus hoax 

• outback steakhouse coupons hoax 

Another easy way is to go to the source of the email. Whether it is Microsoft, Outback Steakhouse or the CIA, most companies who are targets of SPOAX will set the record straight on their websites, such as listed below.

 http://www.outback.com/pressroom/ 

"If you are contacting us about a chain e-mail you have received please note that the e-mail is not in any way affiliated with Outback Steakhouse. As with Gap, Bath and Body Works, etc. many large companies are targeted with such fraudulent problems. We apologize for any inconvenience and appreciate you coming directly to us for the answer to your question." 

My UP-ON-A-SOAPBOX Conclusion 

Basically, what it all comes down to is responsibility and laziness. It is easier for a person to FORWARD an email to their entire mailing list than it is to check out the validity of it first. 9 times out of 10, these emails are bogus hoaxes and not only can it frustrate your recipients, it can also make you look very naive and gullible. Your heart may be in the right place when you warn your friends about the Satanic messages that are in store bar codes, but you are doing more harm than good when you forward these without checking them out first. 

And finally, remember this: 

If you mistakenly FORWARD a bogus email and then realize the error of your ways, please send a follow-up email to the same group and apologize and promise to check your stories out more closely in the future. Recently, I received an email about a virus-infected file that you need to delete off your system. I quickly researched it and found that it was a hoax. Before I could reply to the list, however, someone else replied to the list, thanking the sender and saying that the file was indeed on her system and she immediately deleted it per the instructions. In actuality, the file was a part of her regular operating system. This hoax came in the form of getting someone to act against a fake hoax. Make sense? 

The moral of the story is this: Before you act on an email, please know the source, verify the story and for goodness sake, BLINDCOPY (bcc:) your mailing list. :) 

Until next time, 
David

David Coons is a freelance writer and web designer from the suburbs of Atlanta, Georgia.  When not spending time with his wife and three daughters, he maintains several websites, including his current missions-related shopping site, MyFutureMall.com.